Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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