I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Watching her eat just hurts me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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