Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
