all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
