Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
