I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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