I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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