well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
