i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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