Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
