the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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