So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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