im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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