I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
