Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
