I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
