Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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