Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
