I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
