When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
