Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
