whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
