just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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