Me. At least after what I've been through.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
