WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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