walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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