Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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