it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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