I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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