I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
