he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
