Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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