Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
