break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
