i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
