ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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