is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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