i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
