This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
