U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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