I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
3pm strippers are depressing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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