I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
