He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
