You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
