Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
