I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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