So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
being pregnant is like rehab
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
