No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
