I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
