Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Let's get the cat blown out
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
