We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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