she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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