Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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