PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
