I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
