Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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