I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
