His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
