I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
soo... how was my night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
