Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
