Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
