dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
