Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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