I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
