he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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