Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
