Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
