he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
