If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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