winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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