I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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