i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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