yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
