I want to make a zoo with you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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