i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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