Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
