Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
