Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
