she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
