I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
