In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
