my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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