It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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