I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
